SpoonfulOfDreams

CoVID-19  Day 43 It was a weekend. Yes it was a weekend and not everyone can say that. It was a weekend of few accomplishments, less than I'd hoped for but hey, who's counting. When you code software a minor breakthrough can take a major amount of time and small detail can take big thoughts. I had to put one problem down on Saturday and pick it up on Sunday because my brain just wasn't computing. You sometimes have to hold many things in your head and when your head's full of other stuff even simple tasks can be impossible. Sleeping on it works wonders. It's like passing it on to your backroom boys. very little of what we have to do is so urgent it can't wait That's what weekends are for. I've got a crowded Monday but I'm sure I have enough hours if I can knock the things down one by one. We punish ourselves for procrastinating but doing something today just because you can is not always the best option. Priorities are fluid because life

CoVID-19  Day 42 While this pandemic has put everything in stark relief, the short memory of the public and its gravity towards messages of comfort and national pride continually dull its perceptivity and grind off the rough edges. While we each can generally hold two conflicting realities in tension there is inevitable public consensus in what is often referred to as the narrative. It’s that narrative upon which our government relies because without the binder labelled “We are beating this”, written in indelible ink, the loose pages would tell a confused and shocking story. The solidarity with front line workers and agreement that we should continue the lock down are both brittle and precarious. unless we address the future while dealing with the now the future present will be worse The enemy is silent and invisible and regardless of the education we’ve received about the Coronavirus it’s difficult for us to grasp what it really is. Maybe the most dangerous thing about a v

CoVID-19  Day 41 It was May Day yesterday but today would have been the May Day celebrations in Lancaster’s Dalton Square and on the streets. So instead there’s a virtual celebration — march round your garden or living room if you wish — and I’m part of it. That we refuse to go back to normal must be the reality It’s weird because I’ll be watching myself, pre-recorded. It’s great that we are using technology to overcome the obstacles and it shows a determination that we will press on regardless. But each conversation, conference, rally and get together adds to the tension, amplifying the dissonance. We can’t live like this indefinitely. I can’t say I’m feeling the walls pressing in on me. I have the luxury of my own space and I can walk out onto the beach. What’s crushing is the sense of the world writing it’s own obituary. I should move on from this because it’s too depressing but it must be said. That we refuse to go back to normal must be the reality, not another hope.

CoVID-19 Day 40 Please imagine I’m up-to-date with my diary and I’m not writing 2 entries the same day to catch up. Please imagine I’m doing this for the benefit of my readership and not pandering to my own sense of self respect (of which there’s little — evidently). I don’t know what day I’m on. I’ve had to check what the number was yesterday before starting today’s drivel. I’m in panic mode and I don’t know why. There’s no pressure on me and I don’t know what anyone’s expectations are so why am I bothered? Anyway, less about me. How are you doing? ………………… ………………… ………………… ………………… ………………… ………………… ………………… ………………… ………………… ………………… sorry, am I talking to myself? Well no, I’m talking to my phone which is worse than anything. My head is spinning. Too much information and not enough hugs. It’s mental (am I allowed to say that). But it is! Let’s carry on with this monologue pretending to be a conversation. My day, which was yesterday, was like doing a jigsaw of a green cat in front of a g

CoVID-19 Day 39 I think there’s a pattern. I have a good day then a bad day, then a day where I get back in the saddle - its ‘in’ rather than ‘on’ isn’t it? And I’m now back into writing in the morning — I guess that’s just part of the rhythm. So its the morning of day 40 and I’m writing up day 39. Am I going on? We need the earth and we need each other. Screw everything else I don’t know what to think right now. I’ve written about rhythms and patterns and now I’m thinking ‘grooves’. Someone once said that a rut is simply a grave with its ends knocked out. Put another way, a rut is just a very long cul-de-sac, the difference being that cul-de-sac’s and no-through roads warn you beforehand whereas ruts just seem to suck you in. While some are saying this crisis has the potential to change some fundamentals others are seeing the fundamentals being bolstered so that they are impervious to change. The surge in community spirit, on the other hand, is just that, and can be blown