Love and Pray

For Daniel

Softly comes the evening chill
When sun's warm glow is gone
The day is done, its hours are spent
Yet time still trundles on

The day that was gives way to night
But had it not been born
The evening would be colder still
We never would get warm

And though sun's heat and light are quenched
The moment it retires
The trees have been both warmed and fed
To build and fuel our fires

The moon can but reflect the sun
The night yearns for the day
But when dusk calls and all is done
We can but love and pray

Too Much Rubble

In the 4th chapter of Nehemiah the Jews are mocked as they attempt to rebuild the wall of their devastated city. If being faced with a home city in tatters is not enough their neighbours mock their efforts to rebuild then, to add injury to insult, they threaten physical violence. And it doesn't end there. While their strength is giving out they are faced, not only with rebuilding an entire city wall, but clearing masses of rubble. "There is so much rubble that we cannot rebuild the wall", they say. How do you motivate yourself to face a task that you don't believe you can accomplish when everyone is betting on you failing anyway?

Nehemiah first establishes a plan of action. He positions people at the weakest points with bows, spears and swords. Then he gives them a reason to fight. "Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes," he tells them. I've seen nature programmes where a female will fight another animal far superior in size and strength to protect her young and her home. In some cases the aggressor will give up out of shear bewilderment, totally unprepared for such an encounter.

History is full of examples of armies and individuals who have fought against unassailable odds and won through conviction and self-belief. Being convinced of success can actually work against you because once that conviction is questioned you are vulnerable to doubt. But Nehemiah's brilliance shows in the double-edged sword that he presents to his people. "When you fight for everything you hold dear", he says, "Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome."

Great tacticians will tell you to always ensure you fight the right battles. God does not fight our battles but instead he calls us to fight with him. We fight for what we hold dear but in his name. Jesus tells us to take his yoke. "Put your burdens on my cart," he tells us, "And we'll pull it together." There is so much rubble in our lives, so much baggage, so many unanswered questions, so much heartache; we cannot rebuild. Like Pilgrim from Pilgrims Progress, all we can do is leave it at the foot of the cross and remember our Lord.

It's tempting to skip ahead and see the Jews completing the wall but hindsight is no help in the heat of the battle. So long as we know why we fight and who is our patron we can find the strength to press on with the hope that tells us we are not fighting in vain.

Fear grips us and we are discouraged.
Indignation follows as we realize our adversary has no justification for his accusations.
Game plan is the order of the day.
Hope rises now that we have an objective.
Tenacity is what we need to maintain impetus.

Under Nehemiah the Jews fight or flight response is to F.I.G.H.T.

God Doesn't Care

photo © Sarah Klockars-Clauser for
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I hear people say, "God won't let you down." But we know from experience that he does. He will stand you up at the street corner. He will ignore your prayer, allow you to screw up and to completely embarrass yourself. Jesus explicitly said that we would experience trouble in the world, that we would be ill treated and killed for being his friend. 11 of the 12 Apostles were murdered for honouring Jesus - counting Paul as an Apostle that makes 12 out of 12. If you're counting on life going smoothly, don't look to God.

If you watch bank adverts with a critical eye you will realize that they all offer you the same thing, precisely nothing, wrapped up with fancy ribbons. They have no vested interest in your happiness. They only need to lure you into the net so they can use and abuse you and spit you out when you're no more use to them. You will find individuals and branches more or less helpful but its not they who are making the real money.

A documentary was recently aired on the BBC about a recent report by the Catholic Church concerning paedophile priests in Donegal. The upshot of it is that the church, despite their confession of wrongdoing and failure and a commitment to ensuring it doesn't happen again, will not fully admit their responsibility or dereliction of duty. You cannot trust an established institution to do the right thing because of its survival instinct. In the same way we have a well founded mistrust of politicians. How, they say, can you tell if a politician is lying? Answer: his lips move. Its the nature of things.

There is a general air of disillusion around at the moment. The people who apparently knew what they were doing with our money have turned out to be well groomed gamblers and pickpockets. The success of Labour in the recent council elections is generally regarded as a backlash against the coalition rather than an endorsement of Ed Moribund. But we shouldn't be surprised. What has been dissed is an illusion after all. Why would we suppose that the government has our best interests at heart or that our money is safe with men in dark grey suits or that the institutional church is a bastion of honesty and integrity?

Read the Bible and you will see that God upholds his glory jealously. He demands that no one will share it with him and woe betide anyone who presumes to do so. He asks that we worship him with everything we have to the exclusion of all others. His will be done, his name honoured, his purposes fulfilled and for this we are to lay down our lives. God declares his love for us but he doesn't have the vested interest of the young lover who will do anything to win the woman he desires. God is God and he will be no less so if we reject him. He has no superior and so cannot be judged. If God says black is white, it is.

Its not difficult to see that a God who will defend himself so vigorously would create a universe in which its creatures and human societies would have the same instinct. Indeed, we are told that we are made in God's image. We are all demigods and don't we know it. Even babies demand their parent's full attention and, "don't think you will have a life while I need you to care for me." But its because God has no vested interest that he will leave you crying, soiled and hungry until he deems it the right time to intervene. The bottom line: God will let you down if it makes sense to him. We could possibly conclude that there is suffering in this world because God doesn't care.

But we can't blame God. Can the pot say to the potter, "I don't like how you made me." Can a selfish son place demands on the father, his own flesh? We are ungrateful children making unreasonable demands on our parent not seeing ourselves in him. But Jesus says, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" As a child I rarely had sweets while some of my friends had them all the time. My 'evil' parents denied my personal pleasures in order to save up for holidays and Christmas. How much more will my Father in heaven let me down when my heart is breaking in order to save me for heaven and eternity.

Its good that God doesn't care about some of the things I care about. Nor is he concerned about some of the things I'm concerned about. Jesus didn't say, "I won't let you down" he said, "I will never leave nor forsake you." The difference between God and all other beings and institutions is that he has absolute integrity. He is always right and true to his purpose. He isn't swayed by your emotions though he has compassion and cares for you more than a mother, her child. You are always on God's radar and you can always call him father. Don't have illusions about God and you will not be disillusioned.

Unwanted Gifts

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Let me relate an insignificant incident. Many years ago when I was living with mum and dad we had a new magazine rack. I asked my mum whom this was a gift from. She told me that she and dad had bought it for themselves. I had a good childhood and never went without. We had holidays every year and led a full family life. But money was tight and frivolous spending was out of the question.

Had my parents been more liberal with their spending we would not have had the treats that we always looked forward to but that meant we couldn't have something unless it was a gift, had been pre-planned or was a necessity. In my mind the magazine rack was an attractive accessory but not entirely necessary which placed it in the category of a gift. On the one hand this thinking has blighted my life because I've convinced myself I'm unworthy to gift myself just like I thought it strange that my parents would give themselves a gift (not that it stopped me buying stuff).

On the other hand I understand the value of a gift. If it were merely the intrinsic value of the gift itself it really wouldn't matter whether it was given or bought. The true value of a gift lies with the giver. How many living room shelves and mantelpieces are home to ugly, badly made objects whose only value lies in the relationship of the one who made it. Our lives are often home to ugly, ill fitting and apparently useless gifts that would not be thrown out so easily if we knew the relationship of the giver.

Everyone knows that pain is a gift, no more so than those who lack the pain receptors to tell them when harm is being done to their bodies. No one willingly submits to an experience that has no benefit to them or those they care about. Even under compulsion we are able to make the decision to face the consequences of non-compliance depending on which option is the more desirable. We choose to suffer in order to fulfil a higher purpose. Bereavement seems particularly pointless but it's a necessary part of the healing process following a critical loss. We receive the gift if begrudgingly.

The critical difference between a pessimist and an optimist is that the optimist sees everything as a gift - that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. The pessimist sees everything as a threat. It's easy to be philosophical when you've been turned down for a promotion; its much more difficult when you've just been told you have a terminal illness. Death, in itself, is no gift but every one of us will die someday. No one likes having their fingers burned (in my experience) but we should all welcome the pain. We can't un-burn our fingers but we can avoid further damage or unnecessary suffering.

We can't afford the luxury of placing these unwanted gifts on our mantelpieces; life must be lived, not observed. Whether you believe in a generous universe or, in my case, a generous God, seeing life in all its ugly, misshapen, dysfunctional forms as unwanted gifts from a generous giver can make the difference between facing the future as un unfortunate victim or as a fortunate survivor.

In Spirit and Truth

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This was written some time ago in response to a guest article and the blogger's response to that article. The point I'm trying to make is that worship is a gift of God and, like the gift horse, should not be examined clinically. What should be tested is not the attitude of worshippers but attitudes towards worship. At one extreme some worship is viewed as entertainment or merely emotional and at the other that worshipping in spirit and in truth necessitates informality or freedom from constraint.

We are in danger of being guests at the party arguing over who has given the best gift. The following is the main body of my response:

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I feel sad that the author feels we "must be very careful how we worship". It was for freedom that Christ set us free, no longer to be tied to customs, obligations and ritual. I also find it pompous to suggest that it is all about God. In corporate worship we are to build up the body of Christ, his bride. It should be edifying and mutually encouraging. Even the Levites partook of meat that was sacrificed to God. If we are to offer ourselves as living sacrifices then we must give God everything including our pleasures, ambitions and shared enjoyment. A life lived according to the Spirit, (i.e. exhibiting joy, peace, patience, self-control etc.) is glorifying to God. The author seems very pleased with himself for being a true worshipper and discerner of wolves - verging on the smug. The parable of the publican and Pharisee springs to mind.

I believe that God is utterly holy and that he demands perfection. Therefore if we fall short even very slightly we will incur God's wrath. Anyone who claims to be without sin is a liar, therefore anyone claiming to worship God in the right way is also a liar and the truth is not in him. You are either under the Law, in which case the Law will condemn you, or you are under grace which means Jesus is your righteousness and he will cover your failings even when your attitude is not quite right. Its not mix and match.

"Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence."

Snow in April

A common understanding of inertia likens it to a snowball gaining speed and weight as it collects more and more snow on its way down a mountain. It would, in fact, be gaining inertia but not because it was rolling down a mountain but because it was gaining mass on its journey. As it gains inertia it becomes increasingly difficult to stop but, conversely, when it does stop it is equally as difficult to get moving again.

Inertia is the tendency to resist change, which applies to stopping something or someone doing what it, or they, are doing or getting them to do something they are not. And, in theory, they are both the same. We find this when attempting to stop bad habits or start good ones though they follow the snowball principle in that their inertia increases the further we let them roll.

This is an excellent principle for directing your life. For most of us there are new beginnings throughout our lives such as marriage, a new job, moving house, changing careers but the snowball principle holds throughout. Beginning from nothing can seem desirable but it's never a reality - if we are not carrying baggage from our past we're carrying genes from our ancestors. But starting from absolute zero would not be advantageous, as we would have no experience to draw on and no investment to build on.

As I write this I can think of people who have well paid jobs, a very nice house and substantial company pension, all built up over the years. They started out with a lump of snow at school or university and have steadily built their snowball. It seems like they can just cruise through the rest of their lives having built that inertia. My snowballs seem to have got no bigger than a large football before they fell apart or just melted in the sun. I've never built up enough inertia to keep me going under my own steam.

In all that I've done and experienced I've built up a wealth of knowledge and skills that, in some ways, are more substantial than bricks and mortar, bonds and company pensions. Snowballs build quickly once a substantial amount of snow has been gathered. It's not so much the size of your snowball that determines the inertia as the availability of snow. I don't have the luxury of massive inertia but with effort and determination I can rediscover my fields of snow even as we approach April.

Prohibition Notice

We are moving out. Its not that much of a wrench, nothing in the place was properly finished and we rattled about in a flat with much more space than we actually needed. In a way I feel robbed because I couldn't have afforded a comparable property in another location. It's like having two seats to ones self on the train and feeling a little peeved when it's legitimately occupied. Having what you need or deserve often feels like being short-changed.

It is kind of scary. Making a home is such a primitive instinct and giving it up unwillingly always has echoes of abandonment and loss regardless of the affection in which you hold it. I remember being made redundant in the full knowledge that another job was waiting for me. I knew it was the job, not me, that was being terminated yet I still felt a keen sense of loss. I think it's the feeling of not being in control - not being the master of your destiny.

Crises have either a purging or necrotising effect - they either force you to make life changing decisions or make the decisions for you, in which case you become a hostage to fate whose only destination is death. Isn't that what we ultimately fear? We have a saying, "it's not the end of the world you know," which supposes that this is a theoretical possibility. When God said to Adam that as soon as he ate from the tree of knowledge he would die, he didn't mean that Adam would drop dead at that moment but that he would be subject to death.

Once the prohibition order was placed on this building I became subject to the order. I am still here but my fate is sealed. The Greek word 'eon' (literally 'age') is sometimes translated as 'world' in the New Testament, so I could say my 'world' has come to an end. This is the end of a very short era. Once God had dealt with Adam and Eve they gave birth to two sons and that pretty well wraps them up apart from the having one more son. They must have had daughters too and, presumably, many more sons but from then on they cease to be part of the narrative.

Adam had the pleasure of tending to the Garden of Eden but his disobedience meant that everything around him was subject to death. He now had to deal with weeds, poor soil and disease. He was reduced from being God like to being a survivor and being the survivor of your own catastrophe is a bitter pill to swallow. God's very first words to Adam and Eve were a command to fill the earth with their offspring. Secondly, he said that they would dominate the earth, its flora and fauna. Interestingly it was Adam the survivor who fulfilled these instructions.

At the beginning of Jesus' ministry he was tempted to accept the dominion of the earth but it would have been obtained illegitimately. It was only through his death (subsequent to Adam's) that he could reclaim that dominion for humanity. Because of Adam's disobedience God placed a prohibition order (that we cannot overturn) on humanity so that we would no longer be entitled to eternal life. Yet Adam, by God's grace, still fulfilled the commands he was given before the fall. We are all survivors of a fallen world but by God's grace we can succeed, even in the shadow of failure.

Even in Adam's deathly winter God planted seeds of hope that would bud in the day of Jesus' resurrection and will bear fruit in the everlasting kingdom of God, which we can enjoy if we accept his gift of life.